Why do some people feel they need to control personal aspects of the lives of other people? Here I am referring to things like abortion, gay marriage, drug use, expression and the arts. It is very easy for the proponents of these kinds of controls to say something extreme to counter my question, like: I suppose you advocate children smoking crack in schools.
I want a proper answer.
I also don’t want someone who sees my side of things to give a shallow answer, like: They don’t like gay marriage because they are scared of gays.
I want a proper answer.
Is there a proper answer to why some people really want to stop other people from doing things that make them happy?
I was going to head off the drugs are dangerous argument, but I shan’t. I shall instead await the (hopefully) many responses.
Comments (11)
Not sure this can be answered in a couple of paragraphs man. There are so very many reasons why some are vocal about personal aspects of others lives, but here is one….because SOME people care. Here is another … because SOME people are arrogant A-holes who brandish their screwed up sense of morality like it was a sword.
Sometimes peer pressure makes people succomb when they really dont want to take that first cigarette, pop that little pill, stick that needle in their arm … whatever.
By the same token can not peer pressure help people to stop?
Personally I think there are a few circumstances where being vocal about anothers personal life is a good thing, and so many more circumstances where its not.
Comment by Dennis — December 2, 2009 @ 10:20 pm
It is a cause and effect of people, who have little/small minds and normally unrewarding lives, wishing to control other peoples lives/morals to make themselves feel powerfull and worthwhile. Facts/truth do not matter to this type of person.
Comment by Pop — December 3, 2009 @ 3:38 am
Two good replies. What about from the other side?
Comment by Zombie Master — December 3, 2009 @ 8:11 am
i think that it’s because people know life one way, and they think because they know it and live it that way, that their way is the best or the only way. Also, i think it’s because of a basic ignorance people have about the way that other people live.
people don’t see what they’re doing as trying to stop people from being happy – i think generally they’re trying to save people but more often than not, they’re completely misguided and going about it the wrong way.
i think they’re trying to stop people making mistakes, from going to hell, or because they are so terrified that the absolute worst case scenario will happen to them or their child. they’re trying to use their “amazing” foresight, or their “incredible” understanding of the situation, to benefit others – and a few losses along the way – the people that have been deemed diseased, hopeless or broken – are acceptable.
but every case is completely different.
eg. people got upset about Bill Henson taking photos of naked / half-naked kids because they don’t understand for one second how he could want to do that. they think he must be sick in the head, and if he’s not punished, he will continue doing it and he will ruin lives and the next life he ruins might be theirs, or their child’s. they don’t see the point he’s making because they are so concerned with their own fears and ignorance, they honestly can’t see past it. it’s like their brains are not wired to be able to understand what he’s trying to say – like they’ve spent so long thinking one way that their brain doesn’t work any other.
and people very rarely actually listen to someone whose viewpoint is different, so even if you tell them, it doesn’t sink in. they hear and they argue but they don’t listen. they don’t to think about what the other person is saying or try to imagine life through their eyes – because most of us don’t really want to, because we are unhappy about their viewpoint and we don’t want to share it because then we might end up “wrong” too.
[/soapbox]
ps: i had to rewrite this 3 times because of all the ranting and carrying on i wanted to do
Comment by chelle — December 3, 2009 @ 1:49 pm
Good reply chelle but these people seem to have to point out to us all (by yelling, shouting and abuse)the problems but not one of them can come up with a solution of any kind.
If an ounce of intelligent brain was equal to a ton of explosive they would not have enough to blow the wax out of their ears.
Sorry ZM I can’t help with the other side.
Comment by Pop — December 3, 2009 @ 2:37 pm
Questions that besiege us in life are testament of our helplessness. What really helps is having between 5-10 Weizen.
Comment by van Trinkmeister — December 4, 2009 @ 5:34 am
We are on a similar page Chelle.
Comment by ZM — December 4, 2009 @ 7:12 am
I suppose it has something to do with whether you believe in society or not, and how far you think you think society has rights over you. People generally oppose things that threaten their existence. Some people are defined through society and if you erode that you erode the individual. Others who might have a stronger sense of who they are are comfortable co-existing with alternative viewpoints without feeling threatened. I oppose abortion however because I am standing up for a weaker entity being oppressed by a more powerful one, and I suppose that has something to do with our actions too – protection of the weak, or perceived weak
Anyway, hi. Nice blog
Comment by Debbie — December 4, 2009 @ 6:16 pm
Debbie, nothing said so far threatens anyones existence! The people that have to be defined through their society in the manner you state would be very unbalanced types unable to cope with any new ideas (eg. Flat Earth Society etc)as the Churches did against Science, Medicine, Free Thought.
I’m for abortion when it is needed. I prefer to protect the one needing protection not the ‘weaker’ or ’stronger’ or ‘right to life’. The pregnant woman has as much right and protection as the fetus. Could say more but don’t want to RANT.
Comment by Pop — December 5, 2009 @ 4:03 am
The majority of human beings constantly try to control each other’s time and freedoms. In the wife-husband relationship, the parent-child relationship, the friend-friend relationship, and the teacher-pupil relationship. Some of these controls are necessary parts of a functioning society, but it is all too easy for someone to start spreading this control into areas where it is unnecessary, whether it’s telling people that a certain subject can’t be talked about in front of them, or telling people a certain subject should never be talked about, or telling people that something should be outright banned, or actually organizing a group of people to enact a ban, it is all basically “control gone out of control”.
So the first part of my answer would be control for control’s sake. Someone decides to control their environment so they are not confronted with anything they don’t want to see, and because they know at a subconscious level that there are times when control is okay, they go crazy with it.
One reason for such control is jealousy. If I can’t let myself do the things you’re doing or if I can’t be happy myself, well then you won’t either. That’s a simplistic answer, but it’s a fundamental aspect of human nature.
Another aspect is fear. This is a complicated one. It sounds simplistic, but the mechanism is related to manipulation and control, and to one’s own desires. I worked in a school in Poland where the pupils were 15 to 19 years old. There were a lot of couples in the school, and they’d often make out at break times. The school priest objected. Whatever his reasons were (feeling as a teacher that he had the right to control people’s behaviour, feeling as a priest that it was immoral, feeling jealous because he was celibate, stressing out because it made him feel like a paedophile), he objected and shared his objections with other teachers. When he talked to them, he talked about teenage pregnancies and HIV and so on. The fear got into many of them, and suddenly you had a fearful mob who wanted to stop all physical contact between the students.
Now, control works the other way too. I decided they were wrong, and I decided to do something about it. I went around telling like-minded teachers how banning physical contact would just drive it underground and that would be more likely to lead to teenage pregnancies. Was I more in the right because I was defending the kids’ freedom to make out? Or was I equally controlling? I didn’t operate in an open dialogue with the priest and the others. I made my own mob.
But I digress.
Fear is a tool that can manipulate people into banning things or supporting things. Fear can also be the first spark: many people are afraid of a society with sexual freedom, and if they can, they try to control it.
Where does the fear come from in the person who starts the process? It could be from seeing something that they see in themselves, and fear because they can’t accept it in themselves. There are many people who have sexual fantasies that they will never act on, because they fear their own fantasy, and that can grow into wanting to stop anyone else do it.
It could be from a loss or pain they’ve suffered. “I lost someone because of drugs”, or “I was hurt by a gay man” or “That painting reminds me of being beaten up” and that fear grows into a desire to destroy what they’re looking at.
It could also be simply ingrained learned fear. Silly example: My Mum’s afraid of flies. So is my brother. I mean near phobic levels of fear and revulsion. He got it from her. Serious example: Primary school kids in Ireland in the 70s and 80s would go around saying they hated the British, and spouting IRA slogan. That came from home.
With art, the reasons are more often than not lack of understanding, or discomfort. With drugs, it’s inherited fear and jealousy. With homosexuals, it’s revulsion and inherited fear and sometimes fear of one’s own desires. With access to information, it’s power.
Power is the last thing I wanted to talk about. Power is a drug. People crave it, and get addicted to it. There’s many a man decided that loudly condemning something and playing to people’s doubts and fears would get them power. Find a target, get people riled up about it, then do something about it: instant votes. Again, it’s control gone out of control.
Thoughts?
Comment by Derek — December 6, 2009 @ 6:42 pm
Good work Derek. I think the fear of something they see in themselves leads to them wanting to control it so that others won’t be able to do the terrible thing that they could see themselves doing under the wrong circumstances.
Comment by Zombie Master — December 6, 2009 @ 7:51 pm